When my Grandmother passed decades ago, we found an entire closet full of toilet paper when cleaning out her home. We used the inherited stash for many years after her death, and it was the single most odd thing that kept her memory alive. I’ve thought of that closet often during these TP hoarding times. 

Why do people feel the need to hoard toilet paper during a crisis? Our reliance on paper products is publicized when it comes to using cloth napkins, diapers, and hankies, but why not toilet paper? Is it so wrong to think of using a warm washcloth for tushy tidying?

In other cultures, using bidets and flushing go together like peas and carrots. I have heard that their popularity in on the rise again worldwide and are breaking heavily into the US market.

In my day job as a Realtor, we seldom see a bidet anymore. However, at one listing a few years ago, there were, without exaggeration, 20 bidets in 20 bathrooms throughout the property. Now, that is cleanliness to the extreme. Upon exiting the house, I couldn’t help but say to my clients, “Have a nice bidet.”

There are also sophisticated toilets readily available starting $2000 with a built-in bidet or, in some cases, an air dryer, or both. In the movie “Why Him?”, the setting was an environmentally green home of a millennial tech millionaire. The house was paperless, including the in the loo, and was outfitted with toilets with menus of different post pee or poo refreshers categorized depending on the business done and after one of the characters was shot down for a romantic rendezvous, “Justine” the virtual personal assistant (think Siri with a bigger brain, more emotions and a witty sense of humor) advised her to order a number 3 to get her business done. Wink, wink.

Then there are the folks that think they outsmart the toilet paper rush by buying baby wipes, paper towels, paper napkins, and other products that are seemingly usable for wiping, only to find the need to call an emergency plumber when their toilets overflow. People, there is a reason why there are signs in public restrooms advising not to flush things other than TP. Because it clogs the pipes, dummies. As an aside, most toilets today have a smaller tank to use less water in a going green effort. Less water equals less flow. Less flow means there ain’t no way that stuff is going down to sewerville.

Like our forefathers who lived without the wheel, electricity, and the internet, you too can survive without toilet paper if need be. Think of it as using a candle when the power goes out. Improvise. It will be ok, I promise.

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